Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Garlic-and-Onion Gum

Write a thank-you note to someone who gave you garlic-and-onion flavored gum.

As I sit here writing this letter, meticulously forming my letters, deliberately formulating my thoughts, I can’t help but be disgusted at my reeking breath, and even more so disgusted at you. I don’t know how you figured it out. I haven’t told anyone, not even my parents. Yet there you were, striding up to me on some random day to offer me a piece of gum. Excuse me, a piece of garlic-and-onion flavored chewing gum. And you know what? You’re right. I do have a fear of bad breath, and if it weren’t for you, that’d still be a secret. I can envision it now. After I had eaten my lunch, I slipped away from the cafeteria and ran to the nearest bathroom just a few minutes before we were dismissed. Positive that no one else was lurking around, I gingerly took out my toothbrush and toothpaste. After one more cautious glance, I squirted my toothpaste onto my toothbrush and vigorously brushed every corner and crevice of my mouth. After minutes of brushing, I swished, blew, and spit out the toothpaste and topped it all off with a shot of mouthwash. I felt refreshed. At least that is, until you showed up. I was leaving the bathroom, flashing my gums when you came up to me and smiling, cupped a piece of gum in my hand, saying “This way your freshness will last all day.” With a grin, I popped the gum in my mouth and you ran off. It was only after I had returned to the classroom that I noticed. Noticed the fermenting flavors in my previously immaculate, pristine mouth. Bottles of mouthwash later, a burgeoning hint of mint is finally developing, but I’ll probably have to brush for the next thirty minutes to completely rid my mouth of that vile substance. So for now, I’ll try my very best to avoid you and especially your gum at all costs. As for you, don’t be surprised if I’ve replaced your water with mouthwash. Thanks again, but next time, don’t bother.

Samuel Orla